Tweet thread spotlights the heartbreaking and dangerous ways gender stereotypes affect young boys
From a young age, many boys are encouraged to like only typically “masculine” things like action figures, toy guns, and sports. They’re shamed for crying, showing love, and showing affection because those things are considered “weak.” Strict gender rules are enforced on their appearance, too. When it comes to the clothes they wear and the way they wear their hair, little boys are often expected to adhere to certain stereotypes and not show interest in anything deemed “feminine.”
Apparently, even getting their face painted is policed to the extreme, as illuminated by a brilliant Twitter thread that went viral this weekend. In a series of very powerful tweets, Twitter user “Sanduhruh” laid out exactly how enforcing these harmful gender stereotypes on little boys could be a driving force behind the male violence problem we have in America.
The user is a clown and describes an interaction she had with a boy who wanted a butterfly painted on his cheek. The thread will destroy you and needs no further commentating. Just read.
Hey everyone I'm a clown and I just got back from facepainting at a picnic and here's my take on male violence in America:
— Sanduhruh (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
It starts young. And it's more than just letting boys play with guns, it's how we shame them for feeling anything that isn't anger.
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
A 4yo boy asked me to paint a blue butterfly on his face. Then his mom told me "no, he doesn't want that."
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
"Butterflies are beautiful, he said that's what he wants, shouldn't I paint what he wants?"
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
"No give him something for boys"
She turns to dad, a big guy in a jersey, and says accusingly,
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
"Do you want your son to have a butterfly on his face?"
He says "No."
Which, cool, let's bring your husbands masculinity into it too. Because your 4yo kid needs to know that his father would be ashamed too
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
I really tried you guys, but this woman was so scared of her son wanting a butterfly she made me paint a skull and crossbones on his cheek.
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
When I finished the skull I said to kiddo
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
"You want a little blue butterfly too?"
He nods.
Mom interrupts "You didn't ask me."
I say in my kindest fuck you voice
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
"Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was for HIM."
"I'm his MOTHER. You need to ask me." She says.
"SORRY." I say and wave good bye to the kid. And I am. I'm sorry that he is not allowed to love something as miraculous and beautiful as a
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
I'm sorry that he was shamed for wanting to share in the joy that is the miracle and wonder of nature.
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
I see this all the time. And I really feel for these boys, because the girls don't get it as bad. Being a tomboy is slightly more normalized
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
And when girls want skulls or sharks the parents shrug and laugh like "haha she's a kooky kid!" Because maleness and masculinity isn't a sin
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
But when a boy want to enjoy something for its beauty, they are told it's not for them. Not in this house. Not in this family.
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
We are teaching them that anger & violence r the only things they are allowed to experience. That to value beauty & elegance is shameful
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
I know that it was just facepaint, but that's sort of my point. Why in the hell are these parents shaming their boys over FACEPAINT
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
Honestly don't even get me started on the balloons.
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
So the next time you are incredulous about how the govt could shut down our national parks, or build the pipeline, or nuke the planet...
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
Think about what this four year old boy asked for
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
And what he got
Epilogue: the mom complained to my boss
— Sandra Bo Bandra (@boguspress) August 12, 2017
Toxic masculinity starts here, in scenarios just like this one. It can eventually lead to aggression, violence, and racism in boys and men. The good news is we all have the power to help change it, just like this brave face painter did when she recognized it and called it out. We can all fight against the harmful stereotypes that lead to cycles of violence, if we start standing up to it.